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Too Good Not to Share

20 Nov

As I’m sure everyone can imagine, emails from Match losers suitors can be…entertaining. To be fair, some are endearing and sweet and have resulted in actually enjoyable dates. Others, however, are just plain frightening. You can decide for yourselves into which category the following email falls. I have no further explanation for this one, except that I did not respond.

Hello Gorgeous,

I would really like to know you a little better and perhaps maybe have some lunch or a drink. I’ll start off with a little about me first. I am 40 yrs of age, smart, funny and nice to look at I think. I just moved from Chicago, IL. I am a professional in the brokerage industry, work out, play tennis, love live music, steak dinners and margaritas. I’m also 5-10, have a nicely toned and tanned body and great smile. I’m very attentive to my lovers needs. I hope you are interested so far and if you are I can send you a picture. I hope to talk to you soon. Text me at 555-867-5309 and I will send you pictures and we can text!

James

Link

A Gem from Thought Catalog

22 Aug

A Gem from Thought Catalog

I love Thought Catalog. They — because I see Thought Catalog not as an entity, but as a personal friend — get me like very few others do. This piece in particular seemed fitting to post to Match Diaries mostly because it’s incredibly true. While I haven’t received any…interesting…photos, the other 4 dumb things guys do when they’re dating online are running rampant on the Match. Enjoy!

Back in the Game

16 Aug

After my recent blogging — and dating — hiatus, I think it’s finally time to get back in the game. I have sufficiently reflected on my most recent relationship and determined that I did nothing wrong what I could do differently in the future. I revamped my profile, renewed my subscription, and set off winking like there’s no tomorrow.

 

Side note: I seriously considered canceling my subscription. Financial constraints added to sheer frustration at the level of douche-baggery in the DFW metro made me a non-believer. However, Match knows what’s up. Upon canceling, they ask your motivation behind terminating. After I checked the box that said, “I cannot afford a Match subscription at this time,” they seduced me with a half-off offer. Clearly, I took the bait and here we find ourselves.

 

After a good four-month leave of absence, I’m not sure what I was expecting. Would the same men be on there? Has the game changed? Is my “failed Match relationship” status transparent? Most nerve-racking, would he be back, too? (I promise, I’ll write about that. I need to get over my paranoia first. And I need to give him a name. Reverend Green, like in Clue.)

 

So, here I am. Casually on a Thursday night just clicking and winking and perusing the merchandise, when I stumble upon a profile that looks enticing. Age appropriate, solid job, advanced degree from a reputable institution, etc. I’ll fess up; I clicked. The minute I did, regret washed over me.
No, his profile was not a lie. He does have a solid job and an advanced degree from a reputable institution. He is in my appropriate age bracket, too. Actually, he’s a great guy, a lot of fun to hang around, and a really good friend. How do I know this? He’s Rev. Green’s college buddy and fraternity brother.

 

This wouldn’t be that bad if Match operated like other social media sites. Unfortunately, Match decided to throw people under the bus do their users a favor by notifying members of everyone who views their profile. Bottom line: Professor Plum (Green’s pal, obviously) would know that I found him. And now I’m stuck. I can’t take it back. I can’t “wink” at him because that seems like I didn’t realize it was him. I can’t try to play it off like I didn’t realize it was him because, really?

 

Instead, I sent an email that just said, “Oh, hey Plum,” as my cheeks turned me into Miss Scarlet.

Recent Hiatus

24 Jul

My apologies for the recent break in posts. Rest assured, a sufficient explanation will follow in my next post, but until then I wanted to let the world know that Match Diaries is back up and winking like a madwoman. Keep your eyes peeled, friends!

But why?

14 Mar

That’s the question I got from a lot of friends and family members when I told them I was joining an online dating site. And to be honest, I wasn’t really sure. Had I given up on traditional dating methods? No, but meeting someone quality in a bar isn’t exactly like shooting fish in a barrel.

Beyond that, being in my early 20s, a recent college grad, and a transplant to a new — large — city, I needed a way to meet and get to know people. I figured I wouldn’t even have to go out with anyone, I could just see who was out there and act on it if I chose.

So, I’m sitting in my brother’s living room playing on my computer. I started filling out my profile and answering basic questions about myself and my potential match. Have you ever tried to describe yourself, you past, your perfect date/relationship, and exactly what qualities you want out of a significant other in 1500 characters or less? Let me tell you, it’s a daunting task. You want to show your personality — mine happens to be fairly sarcastic and “sassy” — but I don’t want to come off as a brat or a bitch. You want to sound laid back and casual, but not like you have no drive or motivation. You want to sound accomplished and successful, but not narcissistic or cocky. It’s very hard, and believe me, I sweat out that “About Me” section for about 20 minutes before I settled with a series of short sentences describing who I am.

I’m new to the city. I work in a job completely out of my realm of current knowledge. I like to read, write, run, cook, and hang out with friends. I am looking for someone independent with a backbone who is not afraid to call me out when I’m being a brat.

Next thing I know, my profile was complete and I was being asked to screen profiles of men in my area and age-range. I quickly got into the whole process of “winking” at people and silently judging their profiles. “Ew, he likes cats?” or “What straight guy admits on Match that his guilty pleasure movie is ‘Centerstage?'” I became that girl.

About ten minutes later, I received an email from Match. “Someone has emailed you! Click here to see what they wrote!” Having just recently “winked” at about 10 Match Men, I could only believe that this email was from the cute, age-appropriate investment banker who played sports in college and had pictures posted with his nieces. Let’s call it like it is — I clicked that link so quickly it barely had time to load the whole email.

I was directed to an intermediate page. “To receive emails from potential matches and communicate through Match, please select a plan below.” You’re kidding me. They want me to pay to potentially be rejected by hundreds of men before they even meet me? This is a joke. But here’s the part where they got me — I still knew that someone had already emailed me. I was hopeless. I got sucked in. And you better believe I paid for 6 months so I could get a cheaper monthly rate.

So, $120 later, I get to see the email. Is it him? No. It’s a very old, very married man with children whose default picture included a deer recently shot. Lovely.

Sidenote: Nothing against hunting, married men, older men, or men with children. Just not right for this girl.

I felt defeated. I felt duped. I looked like a fool, so much that I had to bring my sister-in-law in the room to laugh about it with me. I had almost given up on Match.com in that moment on my brother’s couch watching Shark Tank.

But then, I got another email. It was him.